Christian Romance

Ed Hurst
10 September 2002, revised 31 May 2003

On the one hand, we can honestly say that the reasons people give for marrying are varied in as many different ways as there are couples to answer. On the other hand, it's not too hard to see how most of those answers fall into broad categories of similarity in purpose and thought. Categorizing that way is what those in the social sciences refer to as "valid generalizations." In all the answers given, even when an individual couple gives several, at least one that you'll hear from most of them will include the idea that they are so very much "in love."

We are all certain we know what it means to be "in love," but few of us are prepared to explain it. Massive piles of poetry and song lyrics declare much about that state, and most seem to agree that we cannot make sense of it. While it is possible to give a clinical description of the experience in the human mind of falling in love -- psychologists call it "cathexis" -- we still would not have explained it.

One thing seems clear from all of this: we seldom have control over it. The wrenching experience compares favorably with drug addiction in the rise of fierce craving, sudden emotional swings, and all of that sort of thing. From this, well-meaning Christians often make the mistake of assuming that if the feelings are so very much out of their control, it must be God's handiwork.

This is a serious error; all the more so in that there is just a grain of truth in this line of thinking. God indeed is the Author of Love, and His Person defines the meaning of it. But, if there is one clear message God has given about His kind of love, it is that it is a choice. Whatever it is He means by "love," it is clearly something for which we are held responsible.

One important message in Scripture often conveyed rather subtly is that, while God empowers us to make righteous choices, that power to choose the right thing is usually challenged by some rather overwhelming human emotions. It is our strong human emotions that frequently oppose God's will. So we can't rely on that powerful sense of being "in love" to point the way of the Lord.

On the contrary, the one most important factor in selecting a life partner is a common sense of calling. It would be worth a book in itself to explain how that all we Believers in Christ are most assuredly called in one way or another. Simply being a Christian is itself the result of God calling to us, drawing us to Him. Surely something as important to us all as choosing our spouse would be a matter of His calling, too.

While I could scarcely have stated it then as clearly then as I now have above, these were my convictions before I ever met my wife. By God's grace, I was able to walk in these convictions in the process of choosing whom to marry. The honest truth is that we were not really "in love" in the usual sense. Rather, we were fully convinced that God had called us together for His own purposes, and that we had a shared calling to serve Him. Our greatest passions at that point were not for each other, but for our burning desire to live out His calling.

It was not that we had no attraction for each other, but that such an attraction was just par for the course in our human existence. It was a valid reason at least for spending some time together getting to know each other. As we compared notes on our personal salvation and calling, it became clear that we had even more reason to invest God's resources in each other. It also became the reason for trusting God to make the love of husband and wife to grow out of this. We knew already that, as surely as we were breathing, the more we invested in each other, the more love we would feel for each other. Feelings do not always run ahead; they often grow slowly behind good, sensible choices.

The truth of these things has been borne out in reality. My wife and I look back over our 25 years together and wonder where time has gone. Our love and commitment -- both the choice and the overwhelming emotion -- are more solid than the earth under our feet. We agree that our time together each day is never long enough. And we still agree that we are called by God to serve side by side in the purpose He holds for our lives.

Join with my wife, Veloyce, and I as we celebrate our Silver Wedding Anniversary on June 17th this year.