How I Changed

As I write this, it is the time of day that two years ago, we were witnessing planes hit buildings.

That day was eerie. Like a day off from school... Emily and I went to Applebee's and weren't noticed by the staff who were wall standing in the bar transfixed to the television. We kept seeing the replays, and unfortunately the dropping specks from the sides of the burning structures. It was about this time that I felt, quite alone and sadly, that something about our country led to this event...

We decided to go on a mini-road trip, staying in a town about 50 miles from our homes. We stayed in a hotel and received word from friends that we better go get gas while we can. We didn't, but just kept a low profile and kept to ourselves. Most everything seemed eerie, and you had to ask if a place was open and doing business. I remember clearly the USA Today outside our door the next morning.

Who was I before that day? Well, I was wanting to marry Em... It was starting to become autumn which is my favorite time of year. The air was getting crisp, and the leaves were wanting to change. I like to think that I was observant of the world and politics, but not as much as after.

No, since then... I've been trying to figure out for myself what this all means. Its becoming harder and harder to get *good* information and to trust what you hear. The Net is so full of crap, but at the same time, an incredibly valuable resource.

Since two years ago, I have been more anxious about the threats to my life that I never knew were there, but I'm more anxious about how my life will change as we try to prevent these acts in the future. How far will the government go? The Patriot Act is such a violation of American rights!

I heard an analyst on NPR say that the pendulum of freedom swings with the times. During WWII, this country was quite rude to say the least to thousands of Asian-Americans, but some could still argue that with the lack of communication and information at the times, this could've helped slightly more than it hurt.

I dunno... I think I'm a person that's just plain more confused than ever. What's the role of the government? How can they *really* protect us from these things? What are our policies doing to the world? Shouldn't I just not really care, feel *horrible* about the loss of life and the devastation to NYC, and just get on with my life and see these days just like those when I was kid when life really didn't have a sense of passing time?

For some reason I think of a vague memory of standing outside near the hot chrome of my parents car... waiting for them to unlock the door... the sheer brightness of late summer... heading perhaps to Wendy's after Church... and the simplicity of just another a day.